


have you been sleeping?

by shanyuan



Series: into the burgisverse™ [6]
Category: Burgisverse
Genre: F/M, Letters, Moving On, Self-Indulgent, one-sided
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-16 10:40:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29452461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shanyuan/pseuds/shanyuan
Summary: The letters that Winola Gertrude chose to leave unsent.
Relationships: Winola Gertrude Kaufmann/Andrius Jokūbas Laurinaitis
Series: into the burgisverse™ [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2122821
Kudos: 1





	1. october 2017; first.

**Andrius Jokūbas,**

Hey! Thanks for the letter? I just received it in the mail today. I'm assuming kuya Bert was the one who gave you my address? He doesn't know what happened between us — so hopefully you didn't tell him. 

And, well. I'm doing pretty okay. My boarding house is walking distance to two museums. It's also five minutes away from uni, so I pretty much just walk to school? Or minsan, sa kalesa kapag nati-tiyempuhan. Those are pretty rare, though. Mas marami pa rin 'yung kulay dilaw na jeep na pa-Telabastagan tsaka Villa Pampang. Hahahaha. 

Angeles City is...not what I expected? The nightlife in Balibago is not as lively as the one I'm used to in Manila, but it's a nice change of pace. I think you'd like it here.

My housemates are nice. Our house is a little messy, but I'll make do with what I have now. I'll get used to it, probably. I also heard from Mirko that you and Emi bought separate condos? How's that like? Does she dislike having you there that much, or is it the other way around? You two are so weird. 

The old church next to the school I go to is already decorated with so many Christmas ornaments. I'm guessing it's because it's October now? Hahahaha! Ang daming street vendors sa tapat nung simbahan. I know you dislike street food, but I think you'd enjoy watching the lanterns light up at night. I know I do. I think I'd enjoy them more if you were here. But that's a little ambitious of me, 'no? 

You don't have to say you miss me if you don't, by the way. You don't have to keep writing me letters. 

And you don't have to tell me you're sorry. I know you are. But when you apologize, it makes everything seem more real, you know? It's been seven months since I left — seven months since we last talked. Writing this is just as hard as listening to what you had to say during our graduation. And, I know, you told me in your letter that I don't have to write back — because you'll keep sending me these anyway. You said it's because you're worried about me.

But, you know what? I think you just want to make yourself feel a little better because of what you did. I want that for you as well. I guess it's pretty stupid of me for still choosing you over self-preservation. 

Sunsets are duller in Pampanga, Andy. Maybe it's because I can only watch them through the lone window in my room, or maybe sunsets just aren't as pretty when I'm watching them without you.

Well, that's basically it for me. I heard from my orgmates that we're having this huge event sa January — U-Days, apparently? There's going to be a lot of food booths, games, and there's even going to be a live concert sa gabi. If you're not busy then, do you want to visit? I'll buy you a ticket, if you're interested. I was supposed to say you can even bring Rafi with you, but I heard he flew to Italy. Hahahaha. How about you, Aj? How have you been? Have you been sleeping?

And — to answer your last question, of course I still do. I don't know when I'll get over you. I never thought I'd ever want to forget you.

**Winola Gertrude.**


	2. december 2017; third

**Andrius Jokūbas,**

Merry Christmas!

I mean, you'll probably receive this before the 25th, but I don't think I'll be able to greet you then — so there? Hahaha. 

Probably. I don't know. I haven't even sent you the letter I wrote two months ago — I'll see if I can send them both in one go this month.

Uy. I went to this really cool cat café. The food is so, so good! It's in an isolated place, though, so mahirap puntahan. Walang jeep na dumadaan do'n, so you have to take a tricycle. If you're up for it, we should head there when things start to become okay. We're friends, 'no? That's what you said.

By the way, I hope you got the invite I sent you for the U Days thingy. It'll be held in the second week of February. 'Di pala January — my bad, my bad. Out of context 'yung pagsend ko ng invite sa'yo, since 'di ko pa pinapadala 'yung letter na sinulat ko nung October, but I hope you say yes. Ewan. Please? Hahaha.

But, anyway. University life's been normal? I guess? I'm having a lot of fun over here. I don't know what else to tell you about that, Andy. My days go by in hazy waves of events that I don't really have the energy to remember. Floris told me that things were slower around here — slower than Manila, at least. I disagree. Sobrang bilis ng buhay dito sa Angeles? Walang tumitigil. Ganyan din sa Manila, I guess, pero mas nabibilisan ako rito. Maybe it's because you used to hold my hand whenever time sped up over there, and I'm all alone over here. I have to force myself to keep up with the pace or else I'd get left behind. 

Have you been sleeping? I hope so. I could never get you to go to sleep when we were together. Siguro ngayon, nakakatulog ka na? 'Di mo na 'ko kailangang problemahin, e. Hindi mo na iniisip kung mahal mo ba ako, kung bukas ba 'yung araw na may mararamdaman ka nang totoo, kung bukas nandyan pa rin ako. 

Ang galing mo, 'no? Isang taon. Hahaha. Did you really have to drag it on for that long? You could have ended things after the third month. Or the fifth. Or something — I don't know. Maybe things would be different now if you broke it off earlier. Baka hindi ka kinakain ng konsensya mo, baka hindi ka nagsusulat ng ganito? Baka nakakatulog ka ngayon.

Baka 'di na 'ko umiiyak tuwing gabi? Ewan. I loved you so much. I told you that millions of times. You replied with a million I love you too's, but I don't even know if half of those were real. Did you stop meaning it over time, or did you just never feel that way in the first place?

Tangina. Ayoko na nga.

Merry Christmas, Andy. I hope you're sleeping, and I hope you're eating. 

Have you watched any sunsets lately? Because I haven't.

**Winola Gertrude.**


	3. february 2018; fifth

**Andrius Jokūbas,**

You're unreal, Andy. 

I don't think you'll be sending a letter this month. I don't think I will either, but I'm writing one anyway. Have you been sleeping, my love? I haven't. I blame you.

My days have been awfully uneventful as soon as our University Days ended. The event was pretty cool, though, don't you think? Seems to me like you had a lot of fun, eh. You were laughing so hard during the pageant part, and as well as during the mini-plays that some of the departments held. You bought some blue lemonade, and some cotton candy. I tried to convince you to eat some quail eggs, but you flat out rejected me without hesitating. I should feel bitter about that—but I think it's a good thing. Natitiis mo na 'ko. Mhm. I think it's a wonderful thing.

And you bought a new car nga pala, you dork. That's your third one. Parang gago, ha. For what it's worth, I like it a lot. But, Jesus Christ, stop wasting so much money. Hahaha.

I've been listening to more OPM ever since the 10th. Ang galing ng Silent Sanctuary, oh my God.

'Di na kita mahal. I think that's my favorite song of theirs.

I also love Ben&Ben, by the way. They played at HFA last February 2nd. I watched, since 5 minutes away lang siya sa boarding house ko. And—sure enough, I was left speechless. Andy. They're so? Good? I think you would've liked them. Perhaps I should have invited you to visit earlier. Hahaha.

I also love my new housemates. A couple of girls moved out last month, but two new ones recently moved in. I'm not particularly close to them, but I'm also not that detached. I guess we're casual friends? Mm.

You know what else I love? Not you. Definitely not you.

But I love that you kissed me.

I hate that you left me right after, though. I hate you—and I hate myself, because I know that's not true. Gods. I'm starting to think you like hurting me on purpose? After all, if there's anyone in the world who knows where to strike in order for me to break down, it would be you. You know me so well, 'no? I hate it. 

And I hate you. I hate you. Ilang beses ko ba dapat sabihin para maging totoo 'yan? Ayoko na. Hindi na kita mahal. Hindi na talaga. Pero hindi pa rin kita kayang tiisin. Ang tanga, 'no? Parang ikaw. Nakakainis ka. I thought you were in love with Katya, not me? Sabi mo magkaibigan lang tayo. Sabi mo pagkadating mo sa Angeles, 'wag na 'kong umasa for something that's beyond friendship, kasi madidisappoint lang ako. You're a hypocrite. You're selfish and stupid and I miss you. I'm angry and lonely and I don't know what to do.

One snap of a finger, and I'm already putty in your hands. Does it satisfy you, Andrius? Are you happy that I'm unhappy?

How many more letters will I write without sending? How many more times will you keep hurting me like this?

If I ask you to visit, would you kiss me again? And if I hold your hand by then, would that stop you from leaving?

Sunsets are starting to annoy the living shit out of me. 

**Winola Gertrude.**


End file.
